Horn in My Side - Alicia Montgomery

 

 

When you’re craving something sweet, head to the small-town monster romances. “Horn in My Side” gave me a bit of a toothache to tell you the truth, but it was kind of worth it. Jasmine is running the local pet store, cleaning out chimera pens and checking on the water filters in the kelpie tanks since the owner passed away, but when his handsome nephew comes to town with plans to sell the shop and be done with all the hassle that comes with it, Jasmine offers a deal. Give her 6 months to get the funds together to buy the shop herself. Since he can’t resist her big, soulful eyes he agrees, he doesn’t have any work to do at the moment, but is still pretty grumpy about the whole situation. 

It’s generic, it’s formulaic, but sometimes that's just what the soul needs. There’s a comfort in knowing ahead of time that obviously he’ll fall first, of course they’ll end up running the shop together in a happily ever after and yeah, we guessed what was in that mysterious egg before you even mentioned the word egg. It takes a good writer to make a fail-safe in the genre a genuinely fun read though, and it was, though not perfect.

I run into these problems again and again. Yes, all these books have drama, but for the love of all the gods, goddesses and land spirits, could it be something other than “poor communication”? Though, admittedly the book would be about 20 pages long if we didn’t see the will they/wont they and the third act break up, I’d love to see something a bit different, however I hold my hands up and freely admit I read this book to get exactly the story I was expecting. 

It’s a safe escapism, a comfort zone. After some long, complicated, lore filled and map heavy romantasy reading, it’s nice to just relax with a hot orc and some cute baby (mythical) animals. I read books just like this until I have had my saccharine fill, then head back into the world of books that could legitimately kill a man if you chucked it at his head. You’re free of anything vaguely cerebral, a horny monster botherers version of a Hallmark movie if you will. They really need to make those, I would watch all of them. 

Spice wise, it was not great. While somewhat mild, the writing changed drastically between the steamy scenes. One was filled with the screams of cringe, awkwardness and as the kids say, it gave me a bit of an ick, later ones were better but not knock your socks off hot. Just your usual, cosy romance levels of spice, you know, the type that thinks it’s naughty but offers you vanilla with a sprinkling of expletives. Nothing to comment on really, well except the cringe, even the orc being ridged for her pleasure didn’t really help much, though I think my expectations can be a bit high for the naughtier scenes sometimes. 

Would I bother? Yes. Despite being low on the scale for smut, it was a fun little story, the characters were all enjoyable to spend time with and it did exactly what I needed it to do, give me a brain break. It wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t want it to be, just some light hearted coziness to relax with, oh, and I was serious. Please make monster smut Hallmark movies. Please.